I Didn't Feel Like Writing Today & That's Okay

I'm going to be real with you, I didn't know what to write about today. Usually I have a topic swimming around in the back of my mind at least a few days before I sit down to write, but here I am on Monday morning, at a total loss. That's not to say that I don't have a lot to talk about or that I don't have a ton of things going on in my life right now (quite the opposite, actually), but this is the first time I am not inspired to write about anything. At first I was feeling the whole self-imposed guilt thing; it was my promise to my readers to post something deep, meaningful, thought-provoking or "real" every Monday with my "Let's Get Personal" series. So naturally I felt a twinge of disappointment and guilt that I couldn't provide that today. I felt like I wasn't living up to what I promised, and I was fearful that I would let people down or lose readers because I wasn't being consistent.

BUT, but, I stopped myself, took a breath and remembered that it's okay that I don't want to write about what's going on in my head or in my life right now. It's okay to take a beat and give myself some grace for recognizing my own needs and honoring them. I don't think we as a society, and ESPECIALLY as women, do that often enough. I think from a very young age, we (and I'm speaking about women here) are conditioned to cater to other people's needs and expectations (whether they are imposed on us or we impose them on ourselves after years of others imposing them on us, it's a learned behavior). We place these external needs and expectations above our own, and we as individuals get lost in the ether. We forget how to listen to our own inner voice, or if we are listening, we forget how to honor it and how to speak it. We are self-sacrificing, eager-to-please, peace-keeping, care-taking members of society...and what is left for us? Exhaustion, anxiety, guilt, anger, resentment, emptiness. Everyone's story looks different, but I am willing to bet that every woman reading this is nodding her head to at least one of those. This is not a problem that will change overnight...I am skeptically hopeful that during his lifetime my son will witness a shift for change. Will it happen? That's up to us, I think. I also think that I want to talk more about this in another post (thank yooouuu, inspiration).

So today I choose to not write (even though, ironically, as I started typing the words just poured out...funny how that happens). I choose to honor my inner voice and my truth. Maybe, instead of a promise to post something for my "Let's Get Personal" series every single Monday (which is still my goal), I should promise to be as authentic and transparent as possible. And sometimes that means not writing at all.

Much love. xo

R